5.24.19 A Quick Update & All The Fixins. (Journal)

Since the breakup with B, life has been a mixed bag of sorts. As of yesterday, the whole car accident situation has been fully resolved. After five weeks, i finally got my car back last night, fully repaired, and all that rental car business well and truly behind me. I can’t tell you how relieved I am to have my car back… It’s weird because I know it’s just a car, but it stood for what once was normalcy – shattered and busted into a million pieces. Now I’m whole again, or as nearly whole as I can be, I can finally begin to continue those baby steps to getting my life back.

After B and I split, I was lost… I traveled to Texas after the car accident to celebrate my birthday and had a great time. My Sis took me to see The Killers in Dallas at Bomb Factory on my birthday – May 9th – such an amazing show! And I got to see and hang out with those who I hold dearest to me… my cousins Jennifer and Tara, my Sis Kris, my parents (who seem to be dealing with Dad’s alzheimers as well as they can), and my friends Brenna, Diane and a few others. It was nice to be back home, but I still felt like life wasn’t the same since the breakup and the car accident. I felt a little misplaced and sidelined and bruised by everything that had changed on me suddenly. No boyfriend, no car, no social life… It was incredibly strenuous.

I’m still dealing with being single suddenly. Most of me likes it, and I know it’s for the best. Me & B just weren’t meant to be together. I always say that if you can’t come together and make something work – which we tried (er, I tried), and if you can’t make time for one another (he couldn’t), then it’s time to call it quits. 18 months of loving someone who couldn’t love me back quite the same way. 18 months of intermittent sex and being cancelled on because I was patient with my boyfriend’s illnesses, and 18 months of wondering if B had cheated or entertained leaving me. It was a roller-coaster ride, for sure, but there were also the beautiful times – times which I’ll cherish forever.

Some people say you need a clean cut and to move on with your life. I was never one of thsoe people. I always feel that I shouldn’t forget the great times I shared with so and so, even though they left me or we mutually agreed to split up – but with B, I feel that I can not only cherish the great times, but be thankful that the depressing weekends alone and wondering where B was is finally at a close.

I have to say that I am extremely thankful for my friend Dustin who I met (again) shortly after B and I broke up. He’s been such a giving and kind soul and I’m thankful that he is in my life, as well as a couple of others here locally – those people have kept me sane while I’m home and I’m thankful for that.

So… It’s an extended weekend beginning today – and I plan on going camping. Somewhere. Somehow. Just need to get away. I feel like I need some time alone with nature, to process everyhing, just to be with myself and myself alone (ok, maybe the dogs, too.) I need to let everything go and journal about my feelings and take in some nature. A big ole dose of nature. That’s what I need…

Breathe in. Breathe out. Dreaming and resting and being at peace is what now is all about.

BB

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