2.8.18 Random Thoughts 1,259

These random thoughts are brought to you by... me being a procrastinator and not doing my homework. Ok, here goes... 😀   I'm currently addicted to the low calorie vegetable egg rolls at Dollar Tree. God help me. Another thing the bf has suggested that I love. lol Check this out, too. Recipe for Cinnamon... Continue Reading →

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2.4.18 Blissful B (Journal)

Having an amazing weekend, I hope you are too! Yesterday was probably one of the most amazing Saturdays I've had in my entire life. I spent a wonderful entire day with my boyfriend B yesterday. It was probably one of a handful of times in the past five months that we've been able to share... Continue Reading →

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1.29.18 Fix-A-Flat Boyfriend (Poem, 2004)

Retro Poetry Intro: This poem appeared fourteen years ago in my personal poetry book #72, "1920's Love Songs (Or, Fuck It Sweetie)" Jan-Apr 2004. Obviously, I was a little tired of dating the same pieces of crap that I had come across in the 11 years I had dated prior to this. Enjoy! FIX-A-FLAT BOYFRIEND.... Continue Reading →

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1.28.18 Shannon Lay: Living Water (Music Spotlight)

So, I heard this artist today on my Spotify curated personal playlist. This haunting, almost mystic voice followed me around my house. A sincere mixture of loneliness, love, happiness, intense emotion and realness. I had to glance at my Spotify. The artist's name was Shannon Lay and the song was called "Recording 15." The album... Continue Reading →

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1.25.18 Some Hilltop Delusions (Poem, 2013)

The following poem was written on March 1, 2013 and appeared in my personal poetry book "Monsoony" (Sep 12-Mar 13) * * * * standing on a snowy hill looking over the universe or Albuquerque, if you will; and I'm feeling a little damaged   but its suddenly okay because i remember its simply my... Continue Reading →

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1.24.18 Late January Update (Journal)

This week has been interesting. Bracing, defiant, frantic and full of color. I had a nice surprise lunch at my place with the bf today, which was a nice change. I pick him up usually, and we go somewhere fast-foody and quick so we can share most of the hour together kissing in alleyways in... Continue Reading →

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1.22.18 Official Website Re-Launch Day

Today is the official 're-launching' of my website... my semi-permanent home on the Inkernet over the years.. more formally known as brianbolding.com ! This website has been in and out of my ownership over the years, and I just renewed it for 5 years, so I should be good for awhile again. *Insert canned laughter.*... Continue Reading →

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1.21.18 Dispense of Suspense (Poem, 1991)

Retro Poetry Intro: I wrote the following poem at the age of 15 for Poetry Book #6 - March 1991 - "Departure." At the time I was suffering with testicular cancer and was also coming to grips with my hidden, secret sexuality. I also hadn't been to regular school in a while and was missing... Continue Reading →

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1.20.18 B Positive. (Journal)

One of my ongoing 'resolutions' (if you can call it that) is to take a big deep breath each and every new year and remind myself that it takes more energy to be angry than just being happy and positive. So, in my usual tradition, I'm hoping not only my life but yours is as... Continue Reading →

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1.18.18 Random Thoughts #1,258

My Dad's Favorite Quote That Was Repeated Often In My Childhood: "Proper Preparation Prevents Piss Poor Performance!" Obsessed with Atari again, just bought Atari Flashback Portable 2, Atari Flashback 8, and Atari Flashback 8 Gold all in one night. Heaven help me 😀 I like wearing fuzzy slippers and my warm bathrobe in the morning.... Continue Reading →

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1.12.18 New Beginnings (Journal)

Hey! Hope you and yours are having a wonderful new year... As I embark upon this new year, I am extremely grateful for so many things. I wrote about this at length previously so I won't go into it as much this go round, just know that I understand all the blessings God has given... Continue Reading →

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1.7.18 New Year (Journal)

Wow. 2018. I'm already mis-typing it as 2017 or like 1/7/17 and such. I guess this happens the more of these years that I encounter. Felt a little dizzy and off today, not sure what it was. Allergies or a sickness my body was averting or whatever. Anyways, just wanted to type up an update... Continue Reading →

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1.2.18 In The Making (Poem)

I’m a little pup Here for the taking Wrapped up in a bow in a basket I’m a sex animal in the making I’m salivating wildly Here on all fours Oh baby touch me once Touch me twice, I’m all yours I’m a little angel With horns so sharp and pure I used to have... Continue Reading →

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1.1.18 Fresh Start (Poem)

Today is a fresh start A new beginning... Today is the start of endlessly winning. Finding the silver lining In and out of everything... Today is a fresh start A brand new inning. Today is the start of anything other than yesterday... Today is the start of having nothing new to say. Today is a... Continue Reading →

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12.27.17 Random Thoughts #1,257

1. Sometimes life seems worthless and humdrum Then I think about how grateful I am, and my heart smiles. 2. I just need to savor the small things. Everyday can’t be fireworks, fucking and fun. 3. People easily irritate me, and then I think, am I that irritating too? 4. My new years resolution is... Continue Reading →

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12.19.17 Five Days Before Christmas (Journal)

So, it’s five days before Christmas.  How did we get here so fast? Where did the year go? The past few years, I’ve been saying that to myself. Time flies. And with each passing year, it flies by faster and faster. Time is getting shorter and shorter.  Somedays, I just want to pause everything like... Continue Reading →

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12.18.17 What I’m Listening To.

Music I’m listening to Dec 2017 *Foster the People - Sacred Hearts Club *LCD Soundsystem - American Dream *Sufjan Stevens - Tonya Harding *Jaffa - Echoes *Eminem - Untouchable *Sam Smith - The Thrill of It All *Jazz Vibes - Spotify Playlist

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12.18.17 It’s Been Awhile (Journal)

Hey! B here. Sorry it’s been so long. So much has happened in my life. Wanting to post a quick update. (Quick for me takes on an entirely different meaning.) Since this past Summer when I last posted, I entered a new relationship with this awesome guy named Brian - (yes, Brian, like me) -... Continue Reading →

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7.12.17 What I’m Listening To

Music I'm listening to this month.. Oldies and Newbies!   *SMASHING PUMPKINS - SIAMESE DREAM *311 - MOSAIC *WHITE TOWN - WOMEN IN TECHNOLOGY *MOBY - PLAY *FORTRAN 5 - BAD HEAD PARK *COUNTING CROWS - NEW AMSTERDAM: LIVE 2003 *HOWIE DAY - CEASEFIRE *MARILYN MANSON - THE PALE EMPEROR *DOLLY PARTON - ARTIST COLLECTION... Continue Reading →

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7.11.17 Igloo City (Poem)

Igloo City by Brian B.   When I turn 50 I wanna be real nifty Write books about self pity And dwell in an igloo city.   I wanna be real rich I wanna be real bitch I wanna help poor people And shit on the steeple.   When I turn 85 Please make me... Continue Reading →

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7.11.17 10:59 (Poem)

10:59 By Brian B.   Looking over at the clock It’s 1159, it’s 1159 again Oh where did the time go Oh where has the day gone I wish I was smoking a big ass blunt Out on the front lawn Standing there chewing On tabacco and bacon Standing there sighing Realizing I’m completely butt... Continue Reading →

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7.10.17 Storehouse (Journal)

I met up today with a woman who is doing outreach for Storehouse, a local non-profit food bank that I actually utilized upon moving to Albuquerque about 6 years ago. The Storehouse changed my life. Let me explain why. When I moved to Albuquerque over 6 years ago, I had only $20 to my name... Continue Reading →

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6.29.17 Failsafe (Poem)

Failsafe by Brian B.   Engines blaring Outside my window I just want to be Far away someplace you know I wanna be a nobody So I can’t get hurt again Or shot down and killed In broad daylight like other men Or stepped on and humiliated Like everyone in this town Let me be... Continue Reading →

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6.28.17 A Calling (Journal)

Since a young age, I have felt a calling. A calling to help others, to do the best I can to find resources for those in need and to help improve their lives. This all started, for me, in the early 90's when I joined my first LGBTQ college group. The DFW LGBTQ Alliance met... Continue Reading →

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6.27.17 More Coffee Cups & Loneliness (Poem)

More Coffee Cups and Loneliness by Brian B   Slurp Slurp Take another swig Of the neverending coffee cup that overflows with random ideas I cannot hide. Shrug Shrug I don’t wanna be lonely But at my age and living in a small town means I’ll probably be alone for awhile. As I look to... Continue Reading →

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6.25.17 A Whole Man (Poem)

"A Whole Man" by Brian B.   I just want a whole man to call my own Someone to hold me so I'll never feel alone Someone to cherish all my idiosyncrasies Someone to love me until I'm weak in the knees I just want a whole man to protect me from the night Someone... Continue Reading →

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6.24.17 What I’m Listening To.

Current music favorites: BRIAN ENO - MUSIC FOR AIRPORTS MOBY - 18 & 18 B-SIDES BUSH - BLACK AND WHITE RAINBOWS THE CHAINSMOKERS - MEMORIES... DO NOT OPEN DAVID BOWIE - LEGACY TWIN PEAKS - ORIGINAL SOUNDTRACK (1990) BONOBO - MIGRATION BOARDS OF CANADA - TOMORROW'S HARVEST 311 - MOSAIC THE NATIONAL - TROUBLE WILL... Continue Reading →

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6.21.17 Blue Period (Poem)

Blue Period Poem by Brian Bolding Photo from texasescapes.com 6.21.17   Suffocating silhouettes, Route 66 abandoned gas stations call to me Smoking too many cigarettes Thoughts that live in infamy…   (Languishing away in a coffeeshop on a Saturday Vignettes of loneliness Scattered through my mind If only I had the courage To stand up... Continue Reading →

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6.20.17 B-Ware (My June 2017 Tech List)

Newest tech that has passed across my desk this month: -Microsoft Surface Laptop (2017, Cobalt Blue, i5, 256GB, 8GB Ram) -HP 201 Mini (2010) -Commodore C64 (2) and 2 Pro Models -2 Commodore Floppy Drives -1 Commodore Pro Floppy Drive With all this new and old tech, I am feeling pretty nostalgic and excited, I... Continue Reading →

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Writing as Therapy for Gay Men.

October 27, 2011 From my private journal.   Writing as Therapy for Gay Men By Brian Bolding   As a gay man in today’s world, we need to equip ourselves with tools to make sure we get through the days. I found early on in my life that I needed a creative outlet to channel... Continue Reading →

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6.18.17 Father’s Day (Poem)

 Fathers Day by Brian Bolding   You raised us You raised us so well At the time I thought Living with you was living hell   You raised us You taught us to be strong I kicked and I screamed And I hated it all along   You raised us up You taught us to... Continue Reading →

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My Hate Crime Story.

The following story is an edited excerpt from Chapter 13, ‘Growing Pains,’ from my first novel, Sweet Pea, which I wrote from 1990-2005. It includes information from previous and later chapters, so as to convey the story best in this format. This story is a graphic and offensive, but completely true account, of a hate... Continue Reading →

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6.17.17 The Birds at Dawn (Poem)

  'The Birds at Dawn' from May-June poetry book, "Maydays" Photo / Jim Winstead / Flickr Poem By Brian Bolding   They dove away Fleeing the light of the city To some darker clouds overhead Where you can’t see The mischief and the agony The calling from far far away In another time, another world... Continue Reading →

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6.16.17 Owls & Things (Poem)

Owls and Things By Brian Bolding   Stayed up late all night Wondering about owls and things And unclean kitchen bowls And kitty cats with butterfly wings Stayed up late last night Thought about just moving away Packing up everything and Driving off into the brand new day Stayed up way past bedtime Thought a... Continue Reading →

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6.15.17 Living in Obscurity (Poem)

Living In Obscurity By Brian Bolding   Dining alone again Oh look theres a fuzzy on my chin You say I’m distracting myself from the truth Oh man what’s that on my tooth You say I’m deliberately avoiding this big thing So am I living in sin I’ll say it, I’ll say it again  ... Continue Reading →

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5.31.17 The First Time.

Hello there. Brian here. AKA ballistik coffee boy on LiveJournal for over 20 years. UNTIL... one day, I logged on, and it had suddenly been sold to the Russians. Yeah. NO kidding. And they were about to start flagging posts that mentioned homosexuality and remove them and fine the poster. Not joking. After over 11,000... Continue Reading →

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